Cliche Love Blog

Happy Anna Howard Shaw Day!

I wanted my first blog to be a topic about some huge life struggle I’m going through. Something deep. Something Chekhovian. This past year has been a difficult one for my family and for me personally. I could and probably will write about that. But what I’m going through at the moment is dating. I’m 30 and for the first time really dating. So I’m going to write about that.

I have a huge confession to make. My name is Molly and I am a (semi) willing participant of online dating. I really can’t believe it. I used to make fun of all the losers who were so desperate they turned to an online service to connect them with potential matches. I used to feel such pity for women who got to their 30’s and were still single and even more pity for those who resorted to online dating. That would never happen to me.

When I was 16 I made my life plan. Ambitious for a junior in high school, but I knew what I wanted. I would go to Cal Lutheran University, major in music, date a nice Lutheran boy, graduate, get my teaching credential, marry said nice Lutheran boy, and then teach high school choir. Of course we’d buy a house and have kids. All by the age of 25 or 26.  It’s a nice plan. A plan that lots of people I know followed. But it didn’t work out that way for me.

In my life now, I don’t meet a lot of men my age. I work part time at a gym that is exclusively for women. I thought of a “bring your unattached male friends, sons, and brothers to the gym” day but my bosses didn’t go for it. I help teach band twice a week at an elementary school and while some of their dad’s are extremely attractive most of them are unavailable. I am a singer at a Christian Science church. No.

Another force pushing me towards online dating? Two of my closest friends have met their significant others on a dating web site. One of them just got married the other is engaged. And they are super cool people and not lame at all. And they met the most wonderful people online. So now I’m getting warmer.

There was one last deterrent standing in my way from online dating. Murder. I was sure I was going to agree to meet up with someone and despite my best efforts to avoid it…I was going to be murdered. Meet up in a public place they said. Meet during the day they said. Don’t get in a car with a stranger they said. Little did they know I watch way too much Law and Order: SVU and know how smart serial rapists and murders are.

But then I weighed my options: being murdered by a possible love match or being murdered by a life of loneliness with my cats and hair scrunchies. I decided to take a risk and go with the former.

So I’ve been “dating” online for a few months. I have only been on two dates. But in this short amount of time I have discovered the many do’s and don’ts of online dating. Because I am gracious and awesome I will share some of the Do’s and Deal Breakers with you.

If your profile picture is of you with your shirt off especially while you’re in a bathroom or pool: that’s a deal breaker.

If you’re profile picture is you doing a keg stand or double fisting it at a club: that’s a deal breaker.

If you’re profile picture is of you smiling happily with a woman who you obviously are/were involved with: that’s a deal breaker (and you’re kind of an idiot).

If you message me this “ :) ” and this only: Deal breaker.

If you message me “Let’s meet up tonight. My place?”: Deal breaker.

If you message me “Look no further! Your prince charming has arrived!”: Deal breaker (especially when you’re 50+).

If the first thing you ask me is my favorite position: Deal breaker. That’s a second date question.

Here are some things that are super cool and will impress me:

Read my profile.

Open with an actual question.

Spell things correctly and use decent grammar.

I’m trying to think of more do’s. But sadly that’s it. It’s pretty simple.

I know that I sound all cynical and like I'm 30 years old, but the things people write in a message or have on their profile is incredible. Sometimes downright offensive and/or laughable. I’m sure on my profile I sound like a prude, overly sensitive virgin who wears a fanny pack for a purse so I have no room to judge.

Here’s the bright side: I have met some really nice people on the site. So we’ll have to see what happens. While it can be extremely frustrating, nerve wracking (those first meetings are completely awkward), and depressing at times, I have to at least pat myself on the back for being brave enough to try. I can’t sit around whining that nothing ever happens to me if I don’t put myself out there to be available for great things to come into my life. And you never know, in a year or so you may see me on the TV dancing across a blank white back drop with my new fiancé who is a doctor who loves to cook, loves cats, and like me is embarrassed he owns Justin Bieber’s acoustic album.

So to complete this love blog I want to wish you love. If you have found your love, appreciate them. If you are still looking, keep the faith. And always remember the love of your family, friends, and pets.

I also want to leave you with my favorite love song (possibly favorite song period). This will be played and sung at my wedding whenever that happens. I love it because it's simple and what I think love should be.